Not all relationships are created equal, some are unhealthy; some are destructive. Some relationships must end or change in order for our personal destiny to be fulfilled. But, they all teach us what is in our hearts. Blame is so easy, looking within, not so much. Our relationships change when we change. If you want to be a soul healer in your relationships, there are three core factors and mentalities that will help you to do so.
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” – Mahatma Gandhi
It requires courage to love when you have been hurt. It requires great strength to open your heart when everything in you wants to close it. It takes a dynamic spirit to overcome bitterness and pride, especially when you are justifiably “right.” When we hold another person captive to their past transgressions, we also remain trapped in the past. When we release them, we release ourselves.
Feelings of grief, anger and sorrow are all apart of mourning the damage done to our hearts. “Cheap forgiveness” may not be forgiveness at all. When we allow ourselves to experience the FULLNESS of the sadness, we are healing, even when it hurts. The only thing worse than a person who is hardened with bitterness –is a person who has killed their soul through apathy. Tell the truth. Experience the pain. Heal, and then let it go.
“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain – and most fools do.” – Dale Carnegie
Empathy is crucial in a relationship. Seeking to understand what our partner is feeling increases our capacity to love. I believe in tough talks and hard discussions. I believe in holding people accountable for their words and actions. But seeking to understand before seeking to be “understood,” requires more of us, and we are the wiser for it. Regaining intimacy and connection is the point of healthy arguments and disagreements. When we seek understanding we emerge from disagreements and conflict much closer. Seeking to understand another person enlarges your own heart, grace, and love.
“A man who is a master of patience is master of everything else.” – George Savile
Patience is a principle we tend to appreciate, but not willingly practice or live. The ability to find peace within is perhaps one of the greatest tests of human strength and dignity. “Love is patient.” Impatience is fear. Fear that our needs will not be met. Frustration begets frustration. Impatient people NEVER have enough—because impatience actually creates the “lack” that they fear. In my own marriage, I demanded quick change from my husband; I wanted the pain that his flaws were inflicting upon my soul to end–right NOW! But in my selfish impatience I missed so many signs within. My own heart needed change and healing. Patience reveals truth. It takes maturity in our relationships to realize that another person’s growth is not on our time table.
Healthy relationships require forgiveness, grace and understanding. Patience is the anchor for allowing ourselves and our mates to grow and flourish. You cannot bless another person and not feel more blessed yourself. You cannot purposely hurt another person without hurting yourself. The miracle of life is that we get back exactly what we give. When we walk in forgiveness, patience and understanding– our lives will overflow with the love that we have chosen to give.
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