People want love. People want success. People want happiness. There is a difference between wanting something and being committed to it. The truth is there are many factors that war within our heart in the pursuit of success. When we remove the hidden barriers, success will become a natural, effortless flow. When we identify the core ways we sabotage and undermine ourselves, we will have victory over the only real battle that ever existed, the battle within our mind.

#1. Fear

Fear is merely our minds vain creation of what may happen in the future. Fear is delusional at best, false at worst. I understand the need for wisdom and a healthy reverence for the laws of life, gravity and nature. However, often times we imagine future shame, judgment, loss, humiliation or failure that hinder us from ever trying or giving something our best effort. Fear is the top motivator for all self-sabotage, it is the opposite of love. A person who is committed to self-love, refuses to let fear hinder them. A person committed to self-love understands the voice of fear quickly becomes an inner-critic, an assault on their confidence, security and self-belief. Fear destroys. Love builds.

#2. Invested in the story

Oh, if there is anything the old me knew how to do, it was: replay the story. I had become deeply invested in my story of past hardships, set-backs and pain suffered. Replaying the story had an emotional pay off for me– It kept my mediocrity, laziness and resentment justified. It gave me a reason not to expand or take responsibility for my life.  I was too invested in pay-off of the old story. When we replay the old story, we create lives of wasted potential that never produce the promise. Until we walk away from the familiar story we are enslaved to repeat the pain. We have all suffered hardships, pain and set-backs; we must move forward and embrace the only thing that is real, the present moment.

#3. Attached To a False Identity

A false identity is the broken, fractured identity we have pieced together through childhood messages, past pain and failure. No matter how high we attempt to soar, like gravity, our false identity will drag us right back down to the familiar. It reads like a story: The woman who consistently attracts unavailable men believes that she is undeserving of love. The man who strives to prove himself to no avail believes he is inadequate. The person who chronically suffers rejection in relationships believes they are not enough. The person, who consistently misses financial opportunities, believes they are unworthy of the best. The list goes on.  Until we replace our false identity with the truth of what we desire now, we will keep repeating these familiar patterns of self-sabotage. When we are truly sick and tired of living the pain of the lie and we believe we deserve more, we give our new identity freedom to reveal itself.

Stopping the cycle of self-sabotage begins with admitting we have been our own worst enemy. Our battle is internal.  Our victory is won within.

Are You Committed?

 Do you want change, or are you committed to it? If you are truly committed to success and happiness, get outside of your comfort zone and put action behind it.  Are you ready to embrace new life? My commitment to you is that through our Heart Zone coaching system, you will undo the false identity, fear and hidden beliefs that have held you back. Through a series of time tested transformation principles, I will help you shift quickly and effortlessly into new life. If you have tried it all the programs and seminars and yet know something is still missing — Join us today by clicking here. The time is now. You deserve more.

Much Love,

Shannon

I work with women from all walks of life. No woman is exempt from the possibility of making tragic mistakes in the romantic love department. So what makes a good woman stay with a bad man? I can honestly say that the best response I have ever heard on this topic came from a celebrity sitting on Oprah Winfrey’s couch, Marie Osmond. As Marie Osmond opened her heart and transparently reflected back on of the details of her “bad marriage,” she said: “The man you choose to marry is a reflection of your self-esteem at the time.” Wow! Wow and yeah, wow!

What shows up in our relationships is a mirror to our hearts.

The greatest gift we can give ourselves as women is the beauty of our own wholeness. The best insurance policy we have against Mr. Wrong is accepting, embracing and healing our hearts. What you believe about God and yourself will show up in your most intimate relationships. We teach people who we are by what we allow in our lives. When your self-esteem expands, your relationships will reflect positive change. A woman who values herself will not remain in a relationship that continually assaults her dignity and worth. We invite relationships into our lives that reinforce our view of self. One of my private coaching clients said it so profoundly when she stated: “Shannon, I say I want June Cleaver, but I keep settling for Good Times.” If you are familiar with the TV show Good Times, you know that bad times were always coming.  These painful patterns in relationships may stem from our own fears. We expect doom, pain and hurt, so we keep choosing relationships and personal behaviors that reinforce this heart belief.

God’s love inspires self-love

God is a Father, we are His daughters. I don’t know one strong, loving father on this earth who would tolerate his daughters being mistreated or abused. Not one. Now multiply the love of an earthly father times infinity and beyond and you still don’t get close to the love God has for His girls. The way I allow a man to treat me is a reflection of my understanding of God’s love for me. We betray the truth of our own hearts when we blindly follow a man who has repeatedly proven that he is not equipped to handle the gift of our love. Remember, you have a choice, you are not a helpless victim, and you have much more power than you think.

Self-worth and romantic love

What shows up in our romantic lives is a reflection of our beliefs. In the past, I dated men who made me feel as if they were doing me a favor. Wrong! I dated men who gave me emotional crumbs when my heart deserved a meal. Wrong! I pursued men where I felt like I had something to prove to them.  Wrong! I have been a “side-chick” a “meantime woman” and a “booty-call.” All WRONG! I have been the woman who would allow men to get away with too much, give too little and leave me wondering what in the world just happened!? The greatest resource a woman brings to the table is the beauty, joy and openness of her heart. When our hearts begin to harden and become cynical through the pain of disappointment, rejection, and suffering, we are losing the only thing real thing we have. Make sure a man is worthy of your heart.

Safe men vs. Wrong Men

Can you tell him your dreams and fears without the fear of rejection? Can you be your authentic self in his presence? Is he truthful, honest, faithful and kind? Is his heart capable of growing and learning with you? I reached a place in my life where I thought too highly of myself to share a man. So I waited for one who would vow to love me for life. I reached a place in my life where I refused to downplay my voice, my success or my mind for a man, so I waited for one who would celebrate me! I got to the place of self-love within my own marriage where I knew I deserved more from my husband, so I called him to the mat, held him accountable to his word and inspired him to rise up and be the man he promised to be. When a woman feels safe, cherished and celebrated, her soul can flourish, her spirit thrives. You deserve nothing less. You are worthy!

Much Love,

Shannon

Millions of people are filled with information and knowledge and yet feel powerless to change. Motivational information is not enough. More information gives us more new goals without the empowering us to manifest them.  Self-help is: helping yourself. For a small percentage of the population; the extremely disciplined and the mentally tough, self-help may indeed work. But where does that leave the rest of us? What about good people who desire change, only to lose motivation, forget inspiration and eventually wind up back to a place of what is painfully familiar?When the desire to change is approached from a faulty belief system, it can do more harm than good.

The 3 Reasons Why People Fail to Change

1.       Outside-in vs. Inside-Out approach

One of the major flaws of the self-help movement is that we get into the habit of “fixing.” We attempt to control or manage the outer symptoms instead of examining the belief system that caused the problem. Life is a mirror that reflects the beliefs of our heart. Working in weight loss for many years, I would explain to my clients: “The inner-weight creates the outer-weight.”  Fixing ourselves is external. We are duped into believing that the doing creates the being. Not so. Focusing on expanding our “inner-being” is what creates the outward shifts in doing. Permanent life transformation comes from within. It is rooted in a shift in our heart’s core beliefs. When our self-worth and heart expands, so does our capacity to transform our lives.

2.       Forgetting the future is NOW

As it relates to change, I often hear people say … “someday.” Someday is not a legally recognized day of the week. People who live in the future or the past forfeit the greatest power, the power of the present moment. Starting today brings the future into the now. People who are afraid of change love to play the waiting game. The authentic life is not a future-based goal of becoming something or somebody— it is  trusting who God’s word says we are now.

We determine the future with the choices we make every moment.

 3.       Living from a false identity

My worth, dignity and value are anchored in the truth of God’s word and love for me. Self-help methods and gimmicks do not create miraculous life change. We can work on ourselves all day long, but only God’s Divine love can cause us to BECOME the people we are called to be. Self-acceptance is the foundation for lasting change. We don’t getting better by striving and toiling; we only become more frustrated. We get better when we receive the truth. We are already “whole and complete, lacking nothing.” Our daily actions reflect truth and power, after our beliefs do.

  I will always be devoted to a lifestyle of personal growth

Personal growth is about receiving God’s best. Personal growth is refusing to carry any false or limiting belief that hinders God’s abundant plan for our lives. For those who desire to flourish and thrive, it is, no doubt a lifetime commitment. This weekend in Los Angeles, I will be joined by a dynamic group of women who are devoted to personal growth. If you are on the West Coast, consider joining us for Worthy, West Coast Women’s Conference. You will experience a tangible shift in your belief system. A change that will effortlessly and permanently empower you to live the life you envision.

It’s an honor to be with you on this journey of successful and lasting life change.  I pray God’s best for your life, always!

  Much Love,   Shannon

One of the greatest gifts a friend ever gave me was explaining confidence from a male perspective. He said, “The most attractive woman in the room is the woman who walks in her purpose!” Wow, how profound! It made me realize something in that moment. Beyond what we feel about our external appearance, we radiate a light from within when we walk in our destiny as women.

Settling vs. Soaring

The definition of settling is: lying to ourselves. At its core, settling simply means somewhere along the way we gave up on the life we truly desired and adjusted to the one we had. Pushing our desires down is like trying to force a beach ball underwater, it keeps coming up! Our souls become exhausted resisting and avoiding the truth. When we settle, we diminish in confidence and self-worth, because we betray our own hearts.

Are you driven or called?

At one point in my life, I felt the need to prove myself. Pride was in the driver’s seat. I was running a successful wellness company. I was traveling and speaking all over the nation, and yet my family and marriage were suffering in the name of my “dream!” What I didn’t realize was that in the midst of it all, I became driven. Selfish ambition and drive in my life caused striving, overworking and the neglect of my close relationships. My extreme drive eventually took a toll on my spiritual and emotional well-being. In a moment of clarity, I decided to step away from the busyness of outer works and take a Soul Sabbatical. During this season of reflection, I felt the renewed call of passion and desire on my heart. I was no longer driven, I was called. I was finally was able to exhale knowing that I had nothing left to prove. I was already enough.

Flowers don’t strive to impress, they simply bloom. God created us to flourish.

Destiny or distraction?

A woman of destiny has fewer distractions; her priorities are a driving force within her life. Purpose guides and empowers. Destiny helps turn set-backs into strength. It transforms painful circumstances into peace and greater courage. Destiny turns doubt into determination. A woman of purpose is a woman who is not drifting aimlessly with indecision, self-doubt and fear. She is not distracted and overwhelmed, instead she moves with confidence and ease.

What does a Called Woman look like?

A called woman is resting in the truth of God’s love and acceptance. God accomplishes vision through her life. A called woman has found a life by first laying her life down. She realizes that her best ideas attempts and strength have not produced the life she truly desires. A called woman understands that God’s grace always takes us beyond our natural limits.

A called woman finds no need to compete with other women. She recognizes there is only ONE of her, and authenticity stands alone.

A called life requires that we first surrender our limiting beliefs, our past efforts and open our hearts to receive the abundant provision God has in store. When we take a moment and pay attention to the subtle truth in our hearts, we know we desire MORE. We know that we were made for more! The soul within yearns to bridge the gap between what we desire in our hearts and the current reality we see in our lives.

Called Women Let God Lead

As we let God lead, we trust that even though we have not figured it all out, God has. God has gone ahead of us and “made the crooked places straight.” We can begin to take the faith steps towards our dream. Some women are fortunate to have their career be their calling. The core difference is within the heart. We know when we are settling, we know when we are living less than we desire. Nothing on this earth supports happiness and joy like walking in purpose. Nothing! As my friend stated all those years ago: “The most attractive woman in the room is the woman who walks in her purpose.”

Power, beauty and calm radiate from the called woman. She is no longer driven to prove her worth,  she has embraced it.

During our Worthy West Coast Women’s conference, we will share one simple yet profound exercise that will help you unlock the truth of your calling. We are all ONE idea, one shift in belief away from inspired, permanent life change. If you are on the West Coast, don’t miss it! It’s time to rise up to the truth of who we are. Life is short. We only get one chance at it. You are worthy to live a life of a called woman!

Much Love,

Shannon

Today, as I sit studying and preparing for next week’s West Coast “Worthy” Conference, I keep asking myself, over and over again: “What does it mean to be Worthy?” Over the past several years, I have researched books, studied scripture, devoured publications and reached out to countless women, including my dear friends, mentors and business peers to tackle this life-changing question.

I believe three core attributes have been revealed. Although we will be going deep into these topics at next week’s LIVE “Worthy” West Coast Workshop, I wanted to share them briefly now.

First and foremost, it is important for me to convey how strongly I believe in the POWER of healthy self-worth. Many church going people have received false information regarding self-concept and self-worth. Our very capacity to receive the message of God’s love, abundance and success rests upon how we view ourselves. If we do not feel worthy, we will never live a life that reflects the super abundance, joy, peace and honor that God endowed us with at the time of creation. If we believe the lie that we are not enough, our lives will reflect chronic lack. Self-worth influences every relationship and every experience we encounter in life.

3 Core Beliefs Of A Worthy Woman:

1. Identity.

2. Heart belief.

3. “Being” not “doing.”

Number 1. Identity

When we see patterns of lack, failure, sadness or constant set-backs in our lives we must examine our root identity belief. Life does not happen to us, it happens through us. Embracing the truth of our identity is the foundation for inner worth. I personally believe that identity is based upon God’s word. The problem is, that as adults our beliefs can be falsely shaped by a church doctrine of fear, guilt, and condemnation. So we end up relating to life and God as if there is something inherently “wrong” with us. Until we have our minds totally renewed and anchored in the truth of our new identity, we will continue to struggle with false guilt, self-criticism, self-doubt and even low-self-esteem. We may even defensively reject the very truth designed to set us free, as our pride/ego attempts to guard itself. Embracing our new identity changes everything in our lives for the better.

Number 2. The belief of the heart.

I am a lover of quotes; one of my lifetime favorites was penned by my mother:

“In life, you do not get what you want, you get what you believe.”

Many of us have lived for years in a emotionally reactionary, fear-based state. We confess prosperity and joy with our mouths, and deny them with our heart and daily actions. Positive thinking and affirmations fail. Self-help books fail. Seminars and counseling may even fail. We may make progress, but eventually our beliefs, like gravity, will pull us back to our comfort zone, a familiar place of struggle, self-doubt and indecision. Until we do the RADICAL work of changing our heart beliefs we will continue to repeat the cycle of suffering. Embracing worth begins with a change in the deep rooted beliefs of the heart.

Number 3. “Being” not “doing”

One of my mentors is a world famous speaker, National best-selling author and is adored by countless thousands of people all across the globe. She is what most would consider successful. Many years ago, she taught me a powerful lesson: “Shannon, success is realized in the being, NOT in the doing.”

Holistic self-worth comes from knowing that first and foremost our priority is God. When we seek God’s transformation of our hearts, we do not have to worry about hurting people or neglecting what is important at the cost of material gain. Opportunities and promotion seek out the woman who understands that “becoming” great is a transformational work of the heart.

When we humbly accept the unconditional love, value, honor, dignity, worth, grace and wisdom of our Creator, our life has no limits! It knows no boundaries! New actions, better choices and greater clarity flow from the inside out.

Self-worth is created from identity, belief and yielding our hearts to the work God wants to accomplish through us. When women embrace the truth of their worth, they collectively have the power to transform the entire world. A Worthy Woman knows that changing the world begins by first looking within.

It is a blessing to share my heart! I look forward to seeing you next weekend for “Worthy” Live West Coast Women’s Conference. We are expecting a major shift in the hearts and lives of the women in attendance. If you have not already registered, you can do so today below by clicking HERE.

Much Love,

Shannon

We often pride ourselves in “not needing anything or anybody!” We find a false sense of comfort in “doing it on our own.” The highest levels of love, success and joy will never be reached alone. We are created as social beings. Like it or not, we need each other. The delicate dance of vulnerability allows us to share joy, pain, loneliness, and happiness with another human being. Through vulnerability, we give ourselves freedom to live from our personal truth. We come out of hiding. We accept ourselves and others— flaws and all.We are liberated from past shame and the burden of striving to protect our hearts and “keep it all together.” Vulnerability is permission to be authentic in life and love. Closed mouths are not fed. Closed hearts are rarely loved. Vulnerability requires that we live from an open heart and open mind. That we “allow” life rather than attempting to control it.

Relationships are teachers

Nobody gets through life alone. Relationships are our greatest teachers. They reveal our pain, our wounds, our strengths and the areas where we still need to grow. Relationships show us our walls. Relationships teach us how to love and how to set appropriate boundaries. Relationships show us our fears. They expose our limits to forgiveness, intimacy, and trust. Relationships are mirrors, they reveal truth.

Vulnerability EXPOSED!

My old hair dresser in Los Angeles, “Ms. Faye” was part stylist, part prophet. One day while I was visiting her shop she asked me about my desire to get married. I proceeded to tell her that I was content and satisfied in my spiritual life, I was pursuing my purpose in life and I did not want any distractions. I was truly fulfilled as a single woman. The words sounded so convincing and eloquent rolling off of my lips; I had impressed myself.

Ms. Faye put down her scissors and spoke with a piercing, calm authority, “Shannon, why are you lying? You KNOW you want a man. You are just afraid to admit it, because you don’t want to open yourself up to the possibility of rejection!” Her words sliced through me like a knife. I cannot explain what happened next, but all of my defenses fell in the presence of this powerful woman of faith. I began to weep. HUGE tears rolled down my face, washing away the self-protective outer shell that my soul had so carefully constructed. I had been “uncovered and exposed.” She was right. I was too prideful, too fearful and too ashamed to admit that I wanted and desired love in my life.

Truth is a liberator

That day, in Ms. Faye’s salon chair, I was set free from fear. I was free to acknowledge and embrace my desires. It was liberating to admit aloud, “YES! I desire marriage and a wonderful man with whom I can share my life!” Denial of my heart’s desires was a misguided attempt at managing future pain and shame.  To open my heart to love meant to risk the possibility of rejection, hurt, abandonment, disappointment or betrayal. But admitting my desire for true love was an equal opportunity to be  honored, pursued, valued and adored.

Trust Wisdom to guard your heart.

Love is not easily abused or used when anchored in wisdom. When we share from a place of transparency, truth and trust, we help others find the strength to do the same. There is POWER in vulnerability– it is the freedom to live from the wholeness of heart. Vulnerability is about knowing our needs and expressing them. Vulnerability gives us the courage to live from the truth of who we are. If we feel “safe” in a relationship, we can communicate our wants, needs, pain and desires. Yes, we can be disappointed and “let down” by being transparent– but authentic love and connection are worth the risk. In a very real way, vulnerability both breaks and opens our hearts. If you know you are ready for love–remain open. Tell the truth about what you want and need. No matter how hard we pretend, love and authentic connection is the truest need of the human heart.

If you are in the Los Angeles area, join us for Worthy West Coast Women’s Conference.

It is an honor to be with you on the journey, Contact Us to join our community. It’s free.

Ready to develop a Life Plan based on your authentic desires? CLICK here to find out about hiring Shannon as your personal growth coach.

Much Love,
Shannon

The movie was written over 15 years ago and yet so many of us are still “Waiting to Exhale!” As women, we are skilled at “holding it down, keeping it up, and making it happen!” But, we get tired too. Beyond our outward bravado and independence; we deeply desire to know that someone “has our back.” Are you still “holding your breath,” afraid to exhale? To exhale means to trust in the goodness of God’s love and in the peace and power that we have within. When we exhale, we release fear and welcome peace and goodness.

A lesson in love and trust.

A couple of years ago, I fell in love with a beautiful sun dress in the window of an upscale boutique. I would drive by often and just stare in the window at my fantasy dress. My husband knew I wanted the dress. He even encouraged me to go inside and try it on, but I just wanted to dream. Fast forward two months. My husband informs me on a Saturday afternoon that he has arranged our entire date night. He says he is taking me “somewhere special” and it is a “surprise!” That evening he gives me a beautifully wrapped red box. I open the box to discover my fantasy dress from the boutique window! I SCREAMED! I almost cried! But, this date night was the beginning of a much deeper spiritual lesson.

My Invitation to Exhale.

On the ride through downtown Los Angeles, I was both nervous and excited. I kept saying to my husband Bryan, “Baby, where are we going?” Bryan knows me very well. I was used to feeling some form of “control,” I feared uncertainty on pretty much every level. He lovingly smiled and said to me with a sexy, masculine confidence: “Baby, don’t worry, I got you!” In that moment something shifted in my heart. I heard the loving whisper of spiritual truth through the words of my man. Those few simple words: “Baby, don’t worry, I got you!” were a divine invitation from God to EXHALE.

Releasing fear and receiving love.

Our wonderful date night, was simply symbolic of God’s goodness towards me. It was time to let go of my need to handle, arrange and manage everything through my own lack of trust. The “soul-lie” tells us as women that we are not enough. When we stress, strive, toil, and worry our fear based actions validate the lie. The truth is we are adorable. We are precious. We are enough. Even when our husbands and men fail us, God’s love never will. He whispers to His women daily: “You are safe. You are valued. You are worthy. You are loved. You are precious in my eyes. Trust me. Exhale.”

A woman’s heart.

A woman’s greatest need is to feel safe and loved. When we know we are cherished and loved we are more peace filled, bold and productive. God calls us to embrace this level of love, rest and wholeness daily. When we are toiling and striving, we are never receiving or arriving. Relax. Allow. Receive. Our power is not found in what we strive to control, it is revealed by what we choose to release. Peace, love and abundance are seeking us. Take and deep breath in, hold it, now EXHALE!

Next Steps…

It is an honor to be with you on the journey, CLICK here to join our community. It’s free.

Ready to develop a Life Plan based on your authentic desires? CLICK here to find out about hiring Shannon as your personal growth coach.

If you are in the Los Angeles area, join us for Worthy West Coast Women’s Conference.

It is an honor to be with you on the journey, Contact Us to join our community. It’s free.

Ready to develop a Life Plan based on your authentic desires? CLICK here to find out about hiring Shannon as your personal growth coach.

Much Love,
Shannon

When a truly confident woman walks in the room— dress size, occupation, or social status does not matter. She shines something much deeper than physical beauty, she has a spiritual radiance. She holds a deep rooted belief in her own worthiness.

Accepting God’s love and opinion of us is the foundation of confidence. A woman who possesses spiritual confidence attracts more love, abundance and goodness into her life. We attract what we are. We get back what we give. Confidence is nurtured when we chose a life that honors our values, beliefs and desires. A confident woman is in a power position; she inspires others to live their truth and fearlessly pursue their own destiny. Her appropriate view of herself gives others the courage to shine. When we own up to our authentic self we grow in confidence. Authenticity is the bedrock of confidence. Being authentic is not about adding more to ourselves, it is about removing whatever is not true.

The Lie vs. the Truth

There is a “soul-lie” that attacks the self-worth of countless women. The lie is: “You are “not enough.” When women succumb to the “not enough” lie, they fall into the dangerous trap of self-judgment. Self-judgment is a self-fulfilling prophecy. When we believe we are unworthy, we subconsciously create a life that confirms this belief. We often blame God for the life our own fear and mistrust creates. We rise or fall because of our beliefs. We cannot add anything that will make us more. We are created in the image of God. We lack nothing. Our job is not to “fix” ourselves. Our job is to accept, embrace and nurture our wholeness within God’s love.

The two most important questions

What do you believe about God? What do you believe about yourself? Your answer to those two questions set the course of your destiny in motion. The answer to that question is the difference between inner security and insecurity.

Inner Security vs. Insecurity.

Having inner security heals impatience, fear and the need to strive. When we find ourselves striving to prove our worth, we have already forgotten our value. Confidence confirms that we have nothing left to prove. Insecurity sabotages even the good things that come into our lives. Insecurity always seeks to prove our most hidden fear right: the secret fear that we are not worthy of love. This lack of inner security stems from our disbelief in God’s goodness. A lack of inner security stems from our disbelief in our own beauty, brilliance and value.

Whose opinion really matters?

The greater our need for self-worth, the more we are prone to seek validation of our worth through performance or the opinions of people. Low self-worth is intensified when we look to the external. Our opinion of ourselves and God is what matters most. Refuse to allow any belief that is contrary to God’s opinion of you to take root in your heart. Anything that attacks our self-worth is a lie. In order to accomplish the great vision and purpose for our lives we need confidence. It is crucial to our emotional and spiritual survival.  Our ability to trust God, trust ourselves and trust the process is a reflection of spiritual confidence. When women are confident of their calling (purpose) and the love of our Creator–we radiate a peace and abundance that money can never buy.

If you are in the Los Angeles area, join us for Worthy West Coast Women’s Conference.

It is an honor to be with you on the journey, Contact Us to join our community. It’s free.

Ready to develop a Life Plan based on your authentic desires? CLICK here to find out about hiring Shannon as your personal growth coach.

Much Love,
Shannon

Healthy Relationships are the bedrock of joy and happiness in our lives. Toxic relationships fuel confusion, pain and misery. Fear, is the root of all toxic relationships. Fear confuses. Love brings clarity. Love is not manipulated; love is not controlled through blame, guilt and shame. Love gives. Fear takes. Love is the truth and the truth sets us free from toxic relationships.

It’s not YOU, it’s THEM

If someone intentionally hurts you, they were acting out of their own fear and pain. It is not about you, it is about the brokenness in their soul.  When we “internalize” someone’s offense against us, we open our hearts to accusation and confusion. We reclaim our power when we stop being “reactionary,” and learn how to respond in wisdom, love and peace. Toxic people are moved by their own fear, anger and low self-worth. It’s not wise to make their confusion about you. Even when their words or actions directly affect you, the root issue is not you. Refuse to take it personally. Fear fuels the mind of the toxic person. If you feed into their fears, you will end up emotionally consumed. If we maintain ownership over our thoughts, we maintain control over our emotional well-being.

Toxic people play the victim role.

People caught in a cycle of victim-hood are not growing. Blame paralyzes us from learning from our past mistakes or evolving into healthier people. Toxic people may believe that someone is always: “out to get them.” They often have a negative report on everybody, even their “friends.”  If you aim to build healthy, life-affirming relationships it is in your best interest to relate to toxic people with compassion, understanding and real boundaries.

The need for clear boundaries

My personal motto is: “If you do something to disrespect me, shame on you. If I allow you to continually disrespect me, shame on me. “ Our relationships will always call us to look within. When we see hurtful patterns we must ask ourselves: “What is it about me that would allow painful, habitual dysfunction to continue?”

Love calls us to forgive those who offend us; wisdom calls us to healthy boundaries. Boundaries simply say: “You can go this far, but no further.” Boundaries are healing for both the person who sets them and the person they set them for. Boundaries minimize confusion, manage emotional expectations and help you “guard your heart.”

What are you “waiting” for?

I believe in second chances. I am grateful for people in my life that overlooked my flaws, weaknesses and mistakes to see the need within my heart. But, I also know that we must take ownership over our “wishes” and hopes for other people to change. It is painful and exhausting to want something for somebody more than they want it for themselves. Acceptance is the root of authentic love. The only way to love unconditionally is to accept people exactly how they are. Some people will change. Some people will never change. Certain people are chronically addicted to drama, confusion and pain. Move forward. End the insane, emotional game of “waiting” on another person to see the light. Waiting is powerless, it is a distraction from your own personal pursuit of peace and destiny.

Let Go. Let God.

When we offer help that is not appropriate and interfere in business that is not our own, we become little “gods” in other people’s lives. Honestly, some enablers end up doing more than God would do to “save” a person. The greatest gift God gives all human beings is free will. Daily, we choose the life we desire to live. It is not your job to “save” them; it’s your job to heal your OWN life. The healthier you become, the less your soul will tolerate toxic people. Healthy people attract other healthy people into their lives. Look within. Trying to change another person will drive you insane. Let go. Let God. God is in a better position to change and heal them than you will ever be. Accept freedom from toxic relationships. Focus on the ONLY thing you really can change; your own life.

If you are in the Los Angeles area, join us for Worthy West Coast Women’s Conference.

It is an honor to be with you on the journey, Contact Us to join our community. It’s free.

Ready to develop a Life Plan based on your authentic desires? CLICK here to find out about hiring Shannon as your personal growth coach.

Much Love,
Shannon

I was the girl who found the birds with the broken wings, the homeless dogs, the stray kids.  As an adult, my dating life was not much different; I fell in love with a man’s potential and often overlooked his reality. I fixed my friends, my co-workers and my relatives. In my personal quest for adequacy, I found both identity and distraction in fixing the lives of others. Freedom came when I freed myself from the compulsion to “fix” and opened my heart to all of the possibilities of unconditional love.

The mind of the FIXER

Inside the mind of every “fixer” is a mind of fear and judgment. Identifying and judging the faults of others is a reflection of  low self-worth. The mind of the fixer is distracted from their own need for love, intimate connection and wholeness. If we are busy playing “god” in the lives of other human beings-we are hindered from receiving the restorative love our souls need to thrive. Until we take care of our own hearts, our perceptions are off. Until we heal our own feelings of anger and fear, we will continue to perceive others with suspicion and mistrust. We will never fully realize the power, purpose and beauty of our own lives when we are distracted with the flaws of another human being.

The root of the problem

Love compels us to be concerned with the well-being and restoration of others. Fear compels us to be distracted by their faults. The root is of the fault-finder and “fixer” is fear. Many “fixers” believe that if they do not “correct” the situation, they will be taken advantage of. They fear that being too loving will make them a doormat or a magnet for more pain. The opposite is true. Love cannot be manipulated. Love cannot be controlled. Love cannot be taken advantage of. Love is anchored in truth. Love knows how to set healthy boundaries based on wisdom. Judgment is anchored in fear. Fear is what distorts our perceptions of other people’s behavior. The “fixer” is both controlling and conditional. They give and receive love based on standards of change, conformity and performance. Only acceptance and unconditional love provide people with the atmosphere to flourish, grow and change. Deliverance for the “fixer” is found in love. Love solves the problem, because the lack of love created the problem.

Staying In our own lane

It is not our role to “fix” people. It is our role to create an environment of peace and truth where God has full access to our hearts and theirs. When God and people work on their problems together, the results are amazing! Our “fixing” actually hinders, slows down and interferes with the process of healing. God is loving, kind and patient. God “looks beyond our flaws and sees our needs.” When we stay in our own lane, we get clarity about how to take responsibility for our own happiness, joy and peace. When we mind our own business, we become liberated from blame, bitterness and resentment.

People don’t need fixing, they need healing.

Fixers “express” outwardly the pain they feel inwardly. Our judgment of others is a reflection of how unloving and harsh we are towards ourselves. When we look within, we recognize truth—the problem is not “them” it is us. Our relationships reflect our beliefs. When we choose truth, we open ourselves to the greatest “fixing” agent of all, the profound, unconditional love that is found in God alone. We are truly mature the day we realize that both the problem and the solution are found in us.

If you are in the Los Angeles area, join us for Worthy West Coast Women’s Conference.

It is an honor to be with you on the journey, Contact Us to join our community. It’s free.

Ready to develop a Life Plan based on your authentic desires? CLICK here to find out about hiring Shannon as your personal growth coach.

Much Love,
Shannon

We all have styles of relating to one another. Many of these relationships styles are driven by unhealed wounds and our primal need for self-protection. Men tend to fall into familiar patterns of sabotage with women. Let’s examine the top 4 MEN-talities that can hurt authentic connection in romantic love.

#1 -The Savior MEN-tality

We all love fairy tales. Little girls are not the only ones affected by these stories. Boys grow up searching for honor and identity. They want to know that their presence adds value and meaning.

I was speaking with a male friend the other day who was caught in a cycle recusing women. I asked him; “Do you have a Savior Complex?” He chuckled and said: “All my life, my boys have called me ‘Captain Save a Ho!’ Point taken!  Men, who feel compelled to save insecure women, end up being the ones in need of a rescue. A woman with a victim’s mentality has drama in her life that  is never ending. While need may appeal to a man’s ego, it cannot sustain love.

The Savior Mentality is a huge distraction to the work a man is called to do in his own life. The woman you choose to give your time is either a part of your destiny or a distraction. A man can waste years trying to save a woman while forfeiting his own purpose. If you are caught in the Savior Mentality, please understand that being needed is not where your value lies. Your value as a man was established when you took your first breath. Your value is found in your right to exist, create a life of purpose, passion, and meaningful impact. The Savior Mentality fails because need is not authentic love.

#2 The DOMINEERING MEN-tality

Men who feel entitled to dominate and rule women simply because they possess a penis, fail. True leadership is rooted in understanding, service and vision, not sexual anatomy. Domination is an abuse of power and position. It is not true strength. True strength does not cause a woman to shrink and recoil, it causes her to flourish and expand.

When a woman feels safe in the presence of a loving man, she will gladly welcome this exchange and balance of power. A truly confident man does not seek to dominate, but to influence and lead through consistency, character and commitment. If you are a man who seeks women you can easily dominate, look within. We are most powerful when we conquer our own self-defeating patterns. Fewer things on earth are more powerful or amazing than a good man. Women gladly welcome the ease they experience in the presence of a loving, strong man.

#3 The Player MEN-tality

A wise man once said: “Humility knows when enough is enough.” If you are seeking validation of your manhood in a woman’s bed, “enough will never be enough.” You are seeking to meet a need that is bottomless. When you are caught up in the fantasy of the “next” perfect woman you are searching for something that does not exist.

Any woman is perfect when she is a fantasy or you only spend limited time with her. If you spend as much time with this “escape” woman as you do with your real partner, the same drama will unfold— the common denominator is YOU. A woman’s body is attached to something very critical to her survival, her heart. Before you seek to conquer her body, ask yourself are you the man who is capable of caring for her heart.

#4 The PASSIVE MEN-tality

The passive man withholds his power. He leaves his woman to “fend” for herself, to “go it alone.” When the going gets tough, this man shrinks. His woman often feels alone. She grows weary of being his cheerleader, advocate and motivator. The average woman is drawn to confidence in a man. Women are attracted to authentic strength. If you are passive in your relationship, you are withholding something of great value– your support and leadership.  Ask your woman; “Where does she need you to engage in the relationship more wholeheartedly?”

A  man who overcomes the Savior, Domineering, Player and the Passive MEN-tality, grows in self-esteem, integrity and self-concept.

A Man’s Relationships Reflect His Beliefs.

A man cannot hurt the woman he loves without hurting himself. A man cannot honor the woman he loves without honoring himself. We get back exactly what we give. If your relationships with women are not matching your desires, examine your beliefs.  As a man, don’t settle for broken relationships rooted in the fear of what you are “not.” Expect authentic love and happiness based on the truth of who you are. 

If you are in the Los Angeles area, join us for Worthy West Coast Women’s Conference.

It is an honor to be with you on the journey, Contact Us to join our community. It’s free.

Ready to develop a Life Plan based on your authentic desires? CLICK here to find out about hiring Shannon as your personal growth coach.

Much Love,
Shannon

In life we do not get what we want, we get what we believe. Romantic love is no different. Our core beliefs about love and relationships will manifest in our lives. Do we feel ready for love? Have we made room in our hearts and our minds for love? Are we cynical and even resistant to love? The following points below will help us determine our beliefs and how they may be impacting our love life.

Keeping an Open Heart.

To remain open and vulnerable enough to admit our desire for love is a miracle within itself. We live in a world of low-love and low-trust. Restoring our hope and faith in love requires that we first return to our only source of unfailing love, God. It also requires that we give ourselves nothing less than what we desire from another human being.

Are You Confident In Your Own Skin?

After working in the weight loss industry for several years, I came to one very real conclusion about women. For certain women the only thing scarier than getting zero attention from men; is getting too much male attention. Until a woman is comfortable in her own skin, she’ll consistently betray her authentic self. When we feel good about ourselves, physically, mentally spiritually and emotionally, we rise. When we feel better, we think better, and our thoughts create our experiences. When we stop running and hiding from ourselves and embrace our value, we are ready to be seen.  Fully realized women are powerful. It is a woman’s birthright to pursue joy, peace and happiness. Nurture a spirit of rest in your own heart, and you will radiate a natural light of “ease” that is a magnet for love.

Do You Love Yourself?

I desire that every woman meet her match in love. I want every woman who desires love to meet her soul-partner, and enjoy a relationship where intimacy and connection is healthy, nurturing and life-giving. I also desire that women truly love and accept themselves first. When we treat ourselves with unconditional love, grace and compassion, we send an abundant vibe out into the universe. We “invite” good things to seek us. We receive what we give. As Author Alan Cohen states: “When you fall in love with yourself, you become irresistible to everyone else.”

Are You Ready for Love?

You are ready when you believe that you are worthy. You are worthy when you know that you are “enough.” A woman is ready when she understands that a man does not complete her, but rather he compliments her life. A woman is ready when she understands that while a man can add or subtract from her happiness, he cannot make her happy. You are ready when you fully embrace the glory of your own heart, purpose and authentic desires. You are ready when you know what you want and need in order to flourish.

You are ready when you have forgiven your past mistakes and relationship regrets. You are ready when you have healed from blame, self-pity and self-sabotage. So, are we ever really ready? Life is a series of lessons. Healing has many layers.  Single or married, we never stop evolving, healing, learning and growing. Remain open. Make room in your heart and mind for love. Remove the hindrances of fear, doubt and mistrust. Allow your heart to “ready” itself for love in 2013. Declare to life that you are: “Open” to receive love, however God sends it. When you are truly ready, nothing on earth will stop the love that is yours from finding you.

If you are in the Los Angeles area, join us for Worthy West Coast Women’s Conference.

It is an honor to be with you on the journey, Contact Us to join our community. It’s free.

Ready to develop a Life Plan based on your authentic desires? CLICK here to find out about hiring Shannon as your personal growth coach.

Much Love,
Shannon

When a woman loves herself, she has an easier time defining what she wants. She has an inner-strength to choose relationships that honor her value. She recognizes that compromising the desires of her heart is a form of self-betrayal. When a woman honors herself and her deepest beliefs, she will draw a man into her life, who appreciates his own. Healthy people attract healthy people.  As writer James Allen eloquently states: “We do not attract that which we want, we attract that which we are.” Women often complain about the lack of “good men” in the dating pool, but the truth is, when we evolve to a place of higher-self-love, self-respect and self-compassion, we will attract the man who simply mirrors our self-worth.

Self-Esteem sets the standard.

“When women go wrong, men go right after them.” – Mae West

When we look at the current relationship scene, we are witnessing men who are responding to the low-standards of “modern” women. Women have forfeited much of their power in relationships. We lose our power position when we lack understanding regarding the profound level of influence we hold with men.  I admire women who would nowadays be considered “old-fashioned;” women who require that a man treat them with dignity and respect. These women inspire higher performance in men, because they know they are worthy. They also understand that when a man honors a woman, he honors himself.

The true beauty of a woman.

“We as women are trained to see ourselves as cheap imitations of fashion photographs, rather than seeing fashion photographs as cheap imitations of women.” – Naomi Wolf

When a truly confident woman walks in the room— dress size, occupation, or social status does not matter. She “attracts” because she shines something deeper than physical beauty, she has spiritual radiance. She holds a deep rooted belief in her own preciousness. This woman is not the woman that our pop-culture or typical reality show fare showcases; she is beautiful because she is at ease with herself.  She is relaxed in her own skin. She is not looking to a man for what she can “get.” She is open to a relationship that is compatible with her life-vision, value system and purpose.

Self-Esteem is the foundation for romantic love.

“Self-Esteem is the foundation of romantic love. In its absence, we become saboteurs of our own happiness.” – Nathaniel Branden

Unfinished emotional healing will always show up in our relationships. Healing, restoring and empowering our self-esteem is crucial work of the soul. It is the building block of our choices, behaviors and determines the quality of life we will experience. Our actions and behaviors will produce results that are consistent our self-concept. It is hard for a woman to demand that a man love, respect and value her, when she does not deeply love, value and respect herself. When we feel good about ourselves, we typically treat others well and expect nothing less in return.

There is no relationship more intimate than the one we have with ourselves.  When a woman embraces her worth, and decides to choose a life that is consistent with her beliefs, her self-respect becomes her glory. Love yourself first. Honor yourself first and a good man will go above and beyond the call of duty to do the same. Self-love attracts more love; self-esteem is the new sexy.

If you are in the Los Angeles area, join us for Worthy West Coast Women’s Conference.

It is an honor to be with you on the journey, Contact Us to join our community. It’s free.

Ready to develop a Life Plan based on your authentic desires? CLICK here to find out about hiring Shannon as your personal growth coach.

Much Love,
Shannon

Today’s modern woman is powerful! More than ever before, we are charging into the global economy. We are taking our place on the world stage, shaping our futures and deciding our destinies. Women in our Western Society are more educated, more successful and independent than in any other time in the history of our nation. So much hope for the economic future of our Country has been placed upon women. We are graduating from college in much higher numbers than men. Women are starting small businesses in record numbers. We have successfully infiltrated every sector from military to sports, to media and finance. Many of us have excelled beyond our grandmothers and great grandmother’s wildest dreams.

So What’s MISSING?

Why with all of this new found freedom, choice and opportunity are women reportedly so unhappy? Recent studies confirm that women are “less happy, more isolated, lonely, anxious, depressed, disconnected, tired, and generally less satisfied with their overall quality of life than ever before.

Studies Show that:

• 47% of us as African American Women have never been married.

• 50% Percent of us as Women are without a partner, divorced, single or live alone.

• 1 in 5 women are on prescription medication for low-mood/depression. (anti-depressants)

• 75% of women have unhealthy relationships with food and our own bodies.

• 6 out of 10 women report extreme stress in their daily lives (The #1 cause of chronic disease)

Success vs. Significance

Countless women are longing for deeper connection on a spiritual, emotional and soul-level. We want opportunities not only for success but for significance.

Honoring our Feminine Heart

Honoring our femininity means we get real about our soul-level desires.
This journey is not one we take alone; I believe there is a shift occurring in the consciousness of women all across this nation. Women are admitting that they may have missed a very important part of the story. We are strong, we are independent, we are successful, but more than that we are WOMEN. The nature of abundance, expansion, nurturing, healing, restoring, giving-life and creativity is our gift to this world, our relationships and our own lives.

Our feminine hearts are now collectively crying out. While nothing outside of us “completes” us, women intuitively know what science has confirmed time and time again; our greatest happiness in life comes from our relationships. Healthy, life-giving relationships are the bedrock of joy and happiness.

Desiring a partner to share this journey is natural to our feminine nature. Our desire for safe, secure, loving and affirming connection confirms our hearts design. Yes, we can “bring home the bacon,” we have more than proven that. But Queens get lonely too. In the midnight hours, when our scheduled tasks of work, busyness, rushing and obligations are over, our hearts silently whisper the truth. Surrendering to our hearts means we become vulnerable, and open to the deepest, truest parts of ourselves. Surrendering means we find and exercise the courage to take off the “mask,” and allow ourselves to welcome love, like we have never experienced pain.

I am with you on this journey towards personal  growth, new life, wisdom and healthier relationships.

If you are in the Los Angeles area, join us for Worthy West Coast Women’s Conference.

It is an honor to be with you on the journey, Contact Us to join our community. It’s free.

Ready to develop a Life Plan based on your authentic desires? CLICK here to find out about hiring Shannon as your personal growth coach.

Much Love,
Shannon

Sex is glorious, exciting, intoxicating, liberating and fabulous! Sex can also be confusing, complex, hurtful, dreaded or even worse— avoided all together within marriage.

Women, SEX and Shame.

Sex is all around us! It’s in our images, music, our TV shows, and yet, it is often lacking in the marriage bed. If false religious beliefs and guilt have shamed you, or make you feel conscious about your sexual freedom within marriage, seek healing. If past sexual abuse or sexual promiscuity has wounded your soul and you have a hard time giving or receiving sexual pleasure in marriage, seek healing. If your mate requests that you ‘perform’ sexual acts that make you uncomfortable, trust your intuition and work at setting clear sexual boundaries. Before marriage, my husband and I went through pre-marital counseling which prepared us for potential sexual intimacy challenges. We also read a book together entitled “The Wounded Heart,” by Dr. Dan B. Allender. This book truly helps foster healing and awareness in people who have suffered sexual abuse, struggled with past sexual promiscuity and other sexual issues. If you need to go deeper in your sexual healing journey, this powerful book is a great start.

Some women love sex, some women don’t.

Many women idolize sex symbols, read sexual romance novels, get lost in our sexual fantasies and talk about sex much more than we actually care to have it. I understand that some women may enjoy and love sex as much or more than men, some of us may have no desire for sex whatsoever, I will simply address the ‘average’ woman and present some of the roadblocks women may face to having MORE sex with their husbands and why men need sex to thrive.

“Honey, I ‘m NOT in the mood!”

When a man seeks sexual connection with his wife, he is vulnerable. When a woman denies her husband, this “rejection” impacts him more than she may know. Men seek meaningful connection through sex much like women seek connection through conversation. It may greatly pain a woman to live with a “silent” man. It may also bring great pain and confusion to a man to live with a “sexless” woman. To a certain extent a man’s wife is his mirror, reflecting the image of his worth. When you have MORE sex with your husband, you affirm his need to be valued and his need to both give and receive pleasure; you become a healing balm to his mind, soul and his body as he becomes to yours.

Men need to WIN!

The other day, after the 49ers (my hubby’s favorite team) defeated the Detroit Lions, I whispered in his ear; “Baby, do you want to win tonight?” Sound corny? Not to him! He got a smile as wide as an ocean and screamed: “YES I do!!”  “Winning” is the language of a man. When we invite them to “win” in their own bedrooms, we empower them to “win” the battles they may face daily outside of the home. We also invite them through sexual connection to relieve the stress and strain they face on a daily basis. Marvin Gaye was right! “Sexual Healing” is needed. Often.

 Fatigue, Seasons, Vitamins and Quickies

Fatigue

If you are not a naturally highly-sexual woman, then, the sheer thought of “performance,” getting “ready” mentally or physically prepared for sex is may be enough to make you want to take a nap! Making sure we are getting adequate rest is crucial, so is coming into the bedroom to unwind and reconnect BEFORE we are already beyond the place of physical and mental exhaustion.

Stamina/Low Mood

Sex is both mental and chemical for women, when we feel good we desire sex more often. Nurture and care for yourself first. As a firm believer and advocate of natural health principles, I believe healthy eating and certain holistic remedies may work to boost mood and stamina for some women. My favorite product in the sexual vitality category is called “Steel Libido for Women” by Irwin Naturals Formulas.

Seasons

A woman has a deep need to emotionally connect and bond with a man before sex. Women with very small children, hectic work schedules, or women facing marital turmoil may lose their desire for sex. Open communication about sex with your man during seasons of high or abnormal stress is crucial.

Quickies

Never underestimate the POWER of the quickie! Quickies are wonderful and easy! They help women and men get a release and sexual healing without all the prep- work of extended love-making sessions. The quickie is a powerful weapon to have in your sex arsenal. Use them often.

God, Sex and Orgasm

When you experience orgasm, you know there is a God who has a generous heart. Through the orgasm, God lavished His women with extreme pleasure on this earth. God designed the covenant of marriage to be a place where sex is shared in safety, transparency and passionate freedom! A woman’s greatest need is to feel safe; sex within the union of a lifetime committed relationship allows us the freedom and beauty to exhale and relax into the fullness of our feminine glory. We can become vulnerable, and much more sexually expressive knowing that our sexual partner has vowed to love, honor and cherish us for life. Sex is a gift, a liberating, glorious act of shared ecstasy and experience. Have MORE sex, it will bless your husband and allow you to explore your own sensuality in greater ways. Why not start tonight?

I am with you on this journey towards personal  growth, new life, wisdom and healthier relationships.

If you are in the Los Angeles area, join us for Worthy West Coast Women’s Conference.

It is an honor to be with you on the journey, Contact Us to join our community. It’s free.

Ready to develop a Life Plan based on your authentic desires? CLICK here to find out about hiring Shannon as your personal growth coach.

Much Love,
Shannon

The best way to ensure a healthy relationship is to choose well in the beginning. Clarity is needed. The seven stages below can hinder clear thinking. If you find yourself in one of these categories; pause, pray and reflect before you enter a new relationship.

1. You are in transition.

“Two things rob people of their peace of mind: work unfinished and work not yet begun.” — Unknown

“He’s going through a divorce.” “She just got out of a really bad relationship.” “He’s in-between jobs.” Transition is never a good time to begin a new relationship. When I was younger, I helped one of my family members run her child-care center.  When the kids transitioned from arts and crafts to lunch or from play-time to nap time — They were not allowed to begin a new activity without cleaning up the prior activity. The children learned at an early age; don’t begin something new if you still have unfinished business. In transition, we are not in the best frame of mind to make decisions. Clean up your “life area” before you enter a new relationship. You’ll make better choices and minimize the hurt you cause another person and yourself.

2. You are not walking in purpose.

“Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” – Amos 3:3

God does not simply marry people; God marries purpose. Each of us has a unique design on our souls to fulfill purpose on this earth. “Without vision the people perish.” Relationships are perishing all around, and nine times out of ten these people are not connected in vision and purpose. Feelings of romance come and go. Friendship, deep respect and admiration for the life work your partner is called to is crucial. When you get busy pursuing God’s purpose, the relationship will pursue you.

3. You are selfish.

“Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live; it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.”
― Oscar Wilde

Do you enter a relationship expecting and demanding that another person meet all your needs? As Author William Nicholson writes: “Selfish people are hard to love because so little love comes out of them.” If you do not understand the sacrifice, selflessness and humility it takes to grow in love with another human being, you are not ready for a relationship.

4. You are intolerant of people’s flaws.

“When nobody around you seems to measure up, it’s time to check your yardstick.” – Bill Lemley

People are human. They will disappoint you. We can be harsh and judgmental of people as a means of self-protection. If nobody is “good enough” then we don’t have to be let down. Being vulnerable takes courage. Opening our hearts to love is a great risk– but the reward of giving and receiving love and acceptance is priceless.

5. You are still looking for Mr. or Ms. “Right.”

“When you fall in love with yourself, you will become irresistible to everyone else.” – Alan Cohen

A mature person is not looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right; they are seeking to become Mr. or Mrs. Right. Every relationship we draw into our lives is a reflection of our inner beliefs. I spent years in dysfunctional, codependent and toxic relationships. I was a powerless, “blame queen,” it was ALWAYS “them,” doing something to “me.” I did not have the courage or the wisdom to look within. Commit to nurturing your own heart and you will draw the “right” person to you.

6. You are not sexually healed.

“Sex, is rarely about sex.” – Shirley McClain

I believe sex is one of the most wonderful gifts God gave us. Please get healed of your past sexual issues before marriage.  If you are harboring past hurts, sexual pain or confusion, make sexual healing a top priority.Don’t forfeit the joy of intimacy in your future because you are tied to the choices and guilt of your past.

7. You are not spiritually whole.

“Be love and love will find you.” – Duchane Larkin

When we forget our source, we put unrealistic pressure on a relationship to meet all our needs. Constantly working on our spiritual lives is the greatest gift that we can give to all of our relationships, our world and ourselves. You don’t seek the right relationship to make you whole; you receive the right relationship once you realize you already are whole.

I am with you on this journey towards personal  growth, new life, wisdom and healthier relationships.

If you are in the Los Angeles area, join us for Worthy West Coast Women’s Conference.

It is an honor to be with you on the journey, Contact Us to join our community. It’s free.

Ready to develop a Life Plan based on your authentic desires? CLICK here to find out about hiring Shannon as your personal growth coach.

Much Love,
Shannon

Do you know what you are called to do in life? As women, we live in an unprecedented time. A time where feminine energy, intuition and vision is rewarded greatly; these rewards will only increase with the changing scope of our economy and the growth of global communities. Yes, it is a great time to be a woman; we have more choice and freedom than ever before.

But this freedom is not free. “To whom much is given, much is required.” Do you know the highest calling on your life? To live a life outside of our calling is no life at all. We were all born with a unique blueprint on our souls, placed there by the Creator to fulfill our destiny. But, without a CORE foundation of certainty, many of us are lost, drifting, wondering, “What’s next?” or “What’s it all for?”

This story below by Eric Butterworth so beautifully illustrates the highest calling on a woman’s life. What can a woman give that moves mountains, changes destiny and impacts the lives of all who come into her presence? Read on…

Unlikely Success

A college professor had his sociology class go into the Baltimore slums to get case histories of 200 young boys. They were asked to write an evaluation of each boy’s future. In every case the students wrote, “He hasn’t got a chance.” Twenty-five years later another sociology professor came across the earlier study. He had his students follow up on the project to see what had happened to these boys. With the exception of 20 boys who had moved away or died, the students learned that 176 of the remaining 180 had achieved extraordinary success as lawyers, doctors and businessmen.

The professor was astounded and decided to pursue the matter further. Fortunately, all the men were in the area and he was able to ask each one, “How do you account for your success?” in each case the reply came with STRONG feeling, “There was a teacher.”

The teacher was still alive, so the professor sought her out and asked the old, but still alert lady what magic formula she had used to pull these boys out of the slums into successful achievement.The teacher’s eyes sparkled and her lips broke into a gentle smile. “It’s really very simple,” she said. “I loved those boys.”

Love is everything, the rest is details.

Staying connected to God and love is our highest and often, hardest calling. It’s easy to get caught up in the trappings of a self-centered life. Bogged down and burdened by the “smaller stories” of setbacks within our own lives. But there is always a need outside of us. Our world is crying, collectively the tears of heart-ache, loss, and disillusion. A woman’s love is a powerful force; it can change families, communities and forge empires. A woman’s love can heal the sick, lead the lost and restore the broken.

“If love in this world is irrelevant then I am irrelevant.” – Jason Reeves

Love returns us to truth.

Never let this world discount your value. Your heart is rare, tender and remarkable. The pain you have suffered is not in vain, it is for a purpose greater than your heart may be able to conceive. When you make walking in love your highest calling, you become rich beyond measure. New life, opportunities and goodness will pursue you daily. Love transforms pain into purpose, tears into tenderness, hurt into healing, rejection into forgiveness and dysfunction into clarity.  Time does not heal all wounds–Love does.

“Spread love everywhere you go: first of all in your own house. Give love to your children, to your wife or husband, to a next door neighbor…Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God’s kindness; kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile, kindness in your warm greeting.” – Mother Theresa

I am with you on this journey towards personal  growth, new life, wisdom and healthier relationships.

If you are in the Los Angeles area, join us for Worthy West Coast Women’s Conference.

It is an honor to be with you on the journey, Contact Us to join our community. It’s free.

Ready to develop a Life Plan based on your authentic desires? CLICK here to find out about hiring Shannon as your personal growth coach.

Much Love,
Shannon

Not all relationships are created equal, some are unhealthy; some are destructive. Some relationships must end or change in order for our personal destiny to be fulfilled. But, they all teach us what is in our hearts. Blame is so easy, looking within, not so much. Our relationships change when we change. If you want to be a soul healer in your relationships, there are three core factors and mentalities that will help you to do so.

#1. Forgiveness

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” – Mahatma Gandhi

It requires courage to love when you have been hurt. It requires great strength to open your heart when everything in you wants to close it. It takes a dynamic spirit to overcome bitterness and pride, especially when you are justifiably “right.”  When we hold another person captive to their past transgressions, we also remain trapped in the past. When we release them, we release ourselves.

Feelings of grief, anger and sorrow are all apart of mourning the damage done to our hearts. “Cheap forgiveness” may not be forgiveness at all. When we allow ourselves to experience the FULLNESS of the sadness, we are healing, even when it hurts. The only thing worse than a person who is hardened with bitterness –is a person who has killed their soul through apathy. Tell the truth. Experience the pain. Heal, and then let it go.

#2. Understanding

“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain – and most fools do.” – Dale Carnegie

Empathy is crucial in a relationship. Seeking to understand what our partner is feeling increases our capacity to love. I believe in tough talks and hard discussions. I believe in holding people accountable for their words and actions. But seeking to understand before seeking to be “understood,” requires more of us, and we are the wiser for it. Regaining intimacy and connection is the point of healthy arguments and disagreements. When we seek understanding we emerge from disagreements and conflict much closer. Seeking to understand another person enlarges your own heart, grace, and love.

#3. Patience

“A man who is a master of patience is master of everything else.” – George Savile

Patience is a principle we tend to appreciate, but not willingly practice or live. The ability to find peace within is perhaps one of the greatest tests of human strength and dignity. “Love is patient.” Impatience is fear. Fear that our needs will not be met. Frustration begets frustration. Impatient people NEVER have enough—because impatience actually creates the “lack” that they fear. In my own marriage, I demanded quick change from my husband; I wanted the pain that his flaws were inflicting upon my soul to end–right NOW! But in my selfish impatience I missed so many signs within. My own heart needed change and healing. Patience reveals truth. It takes maturity in our relationships to realize that another person’s growth is not on our time table.

Healthy relationships require forgiveness, grace and understanding.  Patience is the anchor for allowing ourselves and our mates to grow and flourish. You cannot bless another person and not feel more blessed yourself. You cannot purposely hurt another person without hurting yourself.  The miracle of life is that we get back exactly what we give. When we walk in forgiveness, patience and understanding– our lives will overflow with the love that we have chosen to give.

I am with you on this journey towards personal  growth, new life, wisdom and healthier relationships.

If you are in the Los Angeles area, join us for Worthy West Coast Women’s Conference.

It is an honor to be with you on the journey, Contact Us to join our community. It’s free.

Ready to develop a Life Plan based on your authentic desires? CLICK here to find out about hiring Shannon as your personal growth coach.

Much Love,
Shannon

Relationships can be our greatest teachers. They reveal our fears, our desires, our strengths and our flaws. Nobody comes into a relationship perfect; few relationships are pain-free. But there are core killers of healthy relationships; these three mentalities work directly against intimacy, loving connection, healing and peace. When we are committed to our own development and change, we minimize the pain we inflict upon others and ourselves.

#1. Pride

Some people forfeit love for pride—poor trade. Pride demands to be heard! Humility listens. PRIDE seeks to be right! Humility seeks peace. A prideful person is skilled at finding fault in others, but typically blind to their own transgressions. Pride is exhausting. Pride does not seek to understand; pride shouts to be understood!  Many years ago, when I was at the peak of pain in my marriage, one of my mentors gave me a book simply entitled: “Humility.” While reading this little book, I felt as if my soul was being ripped to pieces. I was profoundly convicted in my heart. I had no idea how deeply my life was rooted in pride. My pride held me in a mental prison–vacillating between self-contempt and self-exaltation. Pride kept me in bondage to low- level living and thinking. Breaking the chains of pride in our hearts is the first step towards healing and peace in our relationships.

#2. Immaturity

Relationships can grow us up. Each person comes into the relationship with some immaturity–their own personal style of relating. This relationship style is usually an accumulation of our upbringing and beliefs we have picked up along the way. Maturity requires us to break out of our old, comfortable patterns of coping and protecting ourselves. It invites us to step outside of ourselves to expand our understanding of others.  Personal growth does not always feel good– nor do the situations or challenges within our relationships that require us to grow. The best relationships are when both people are committed to growth and change. But if you feel all alone in the maturing process, it’s OK. One mature person in a relationship has great influence on the other. We spend more money when we are with our friends who like to shop; we drink more with friends who like to drink. Adults are most certainly influenced by their peers and environments. Your personal maturity will shine the light on your mate’s immaturity and provide a “call to action” for them to grow up.

#3. Selfishness

One of my mentors used to say: “The opposite of love is not hate, it is self-centeredness.” We live in a “meet my needs” culture. Love gives. Selfishness takes. Love increases and expands life. Selfishness limits and controls life. When the world revolves around us, it’s a very small world indeed.  A relationship is a team sport. Players who are only concerned with their individual needs will eventually hurt themselves and the team.

“Marriage takes your whole heart; selfish people can’t pull it off.” — Helen Hunt

For years I was a selfish wife. I believed my husband’s role was to satisfy my needs and make me happy. It took many years for me to realize that it was not another person’s sole role or function in life to make me happy. It takes great maturity to stop being a victim and take responsibility for our personal happiness. Pride, immaturity and selfishness will kill our relationships; they will rob us of peace, joy and the abundant life we desire.

Allowing God’s healing love into our hearts is the first step in redemption. Whether our relationships last forever or fall apart, we are on this journey with ourselves for the rest of our lives. I applaud your heart and the openness of your spirit; it takes courage to change. Love is our guide towards new life and restored hearts.

I am with you on this journey towards personal  growth, new life, wisdom and healthier relationships.

If you are in the Los Angeles area, join us for Worthy West Coast Women’s Conference.

It is an honor to be with you on the journey, Contact Us to join our community. It’s free.

Ready to develop a Life Plan based on your authentic desires? CLICK here to find out about hiring Shannon as your personal growth coach.

Much Love,
Shannon

When men and women understand each others needs and gender differences it can minimize hurt and foster healing. And while it would take hours to begin to even scratch the surface of male/female, masculine/feminine energy; we can work towards understanding each other better by examining the points below.

Men are not mind readers.

I had a male friend who told me a story about a woman he was dating. He took her to the airport, helped her with her bags and kissed her goodbye. Several days went by and he still had not heard from her. He was confused; they communicated on a regular basis. When they did finally speak, she told him she was “hurt.”  She said: “If you really loved me, you would have parked your car and walked me into the terminal to kiss me goodbye.” My friend replied: “I do love you; so in the future when you want something from me, please do not expect me to read your mind. Tell me exactly what you want.”

How women set men up to fail.

Women set men up to fail when we set unrealistic expectations for them, ones that go against their design. Women replay the mantra in our minds: “if he loved me he would…..”  Good men are compelled to make their women happy. We expect them to be in tune to our needs, but men are not women.

Rocket fuel for a man’s soul.

Men are driven to perform and produce; they rarely engage their energy where they do not think they can win. If a woman has chronically criticized and corrected her man; he will check out emotionally, or he will physically leave the relationship. If your man feels like he can “never win” with you– If nothing satisfies you; your man is probably not the real issue. Look within. Nurture and heal yourself.

Men need to feel important. Women need to feel significant.

Men, when your woman flourishes; your life expands. Your words are like water for her soul. When you say simple things like: “baby, I appreciate all you do around the house to keep it so nice for me and the kids.” Or, “have I told you lately how beautiful you are?” You bless your woman when your words make her feel significant. If your woman has suffered abandonment or severe betrayal in her past, remind her often: “I am in this for life.” Or, “I will take care of you, always.” I know it’s not logical for you as a man, to communicate what is obvious, but remember– women need to feel safe. Your consistency creates security. Feeling secure creates and environment for your woman to let her hair down and exhale. When she shines; you shine.

Love is patient.

Another person’s growth, healing and maturity don’t happen on our time table. In relationships, we always have a choice between pride and grace; choose grace. My husband often says to me, “baby, you have made me a better man.” But he has also made me a better woman. He is not perfect, neither am I; but our hearts are perfect for each other. As human beings, we have the power to crush or restore each other–the ability to hurt or heal one another. Chose love; loves heals all.

I am with you on this journey towards personal  growth, new life, wisdom and healthier relationships.

If you are in the Los Angeles area, join us for Worthy West Coast Women’s Conference.

It is an honor to be with you on the journey, Contact Us to join our community. It’s free.

Ready to develop a Life Plan based on your authentic desires? CLICK here to find out about hiring Shannon as your personal growth coach.

Much Love,
Shannon

They have betrayed us, lied to us, broken our hearts, and destroyed our trust. The men we loved have abandoned us.  But for every bad man, there is a good man. A man who may have to shoulder the blame for the man before him. As women on the journey towards embracing wholeness, we must take ownership over our own healing. In doing so, we welcome peace, understanding and abundance into our lives.

Acknowledging the hurt.

Acknowledging our pain is the first step in healing it. When we search our hearts and invite God’s healing love — we break the negative cycles of self-abuse and shame. There is nothing wrong with being angry; anger simply means we are hurt. Our pain validates our value, our hearts, and our tenderness. When we have been wounded, we acknowledge the anger and commit to finding healthy ways to work through it and release it. Refuse to take on the burden of self-blame for another person’s hurtful actions towards you. God moves in order, He reveals and then He heals.

Good and safe men.

There are jerks and there are kings. There are queens and there are witches. Both sexes have good and bad.  When I was single, I was blessed to have brothers who showed me the goodness of men.  I am still surrounded by good men. I know they exist and their presence is a blessing. The presence of good men helps to rebuild our belief in men. Pray that your eyes and heart are opened to the good men around you.

Looking within.

We are not guests in our lives– we are the owners of them. We are responsible for our own happiness. No person outside of us is as intimately connected to our personal well-being as we are. If you are in a cycle of chronic blame, seek support and healing from codependency. If you keep attracting relationships into your life that tear you down, look within. As Author James Allen profoundly stated, “We do not attract what we want, we attract what we are.”

Forgive to get free.

The champion spirit is someone who can allow past hurt, betrayal and pain to create an inner strength and clarity that the world cannot shake. When someone hurts you, don’t close your heart & harden your soul with bitterness. The GREATEST loss would be to lose the truth of who you are. Unforgiveness blocks future goodness. There is no future without forgiveness. When we choose to release another person, we release ourselves.  We escape the prison of our own minds when we choose to forgive.

Final thoughts…

Let love transform you. Heal you. Change you. Bless you my sister as your eyes are fully opened to the goodness of life all around you, including good men. On my personal journey of nurturing wholeness and inner-peace– I have learned that love restores what is broken, heals what is wounded, and guides what is lost. Forgiveness sets the captive heart free, and invites love to rush in.

I am with you on this journey towards personal  growth, new life, wisdom and healthier relationships.

If you are in the Los Angeles area, join us for Worthy West Coast Women’s Conference.

It is an honor to be with you on the journey, Contact Us to join our community. It’s free.

Ready to develop a Life Plan based on your authentic desires? CLICK here to find out about hiring Shannon as your personal growth coach.

Much Love,
Shannon

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.“  -Dr. Martin Luther King

A woman’s GREATEST need.

Men, when you hear the word “safety” you may think of football, but women think of their greatest need. A woman cannot function at her highest level or flourish when she does not feel safe. Men are designed to protect, provide and produce. Women are LIFE givers and life enhancers. You get the BEST from your woman when you make her feel safe.

Are you Strong enough to provide?

No matter how much gender roles change in our society, a man’s core role is to provide for his family. A family where a husband neglects his role to provide, is a family that will suffer and eventually fail.  We live in difficult financial times where dual incomes are often needed; but sacrificially providing for his family, is a good man’s number one priority. I salute STRONG men who provide for their families, who count it a privilege and honor to make their wives and children feel safe, stable and secure. Are you strong enough to provide?

Are you Strong enough to Lead?

Are you humble enough to follow God and strong enough to lead?  When you lovingly lead your wife, you provide the right environment for her soul as a woman to flourish. A good man wants to lead and also at times follow the lead of his wife as it relates to matters of  her intuition, wisdom and insight in relationships, family and business matters. A mature and whole woman welcomes the safety, peace and security that come from having her man take the lead.  Are you strong enough to lead?

 Are you Strong enough to fight for your family?

I went through an incredibly hard season in my marriage, one that I honestly did not feel we would make it through. I was “tired.” I could not fix, save or rescue my family. My husband prayed and fought for our love when I did not have a prayer left. He proved to me that I could trust him to lead our family with loving sacrifice. My marriage has weathered many storms. But over the past 14 years my husband Bryan has proven to me that he is strong enough to be my man. In the darkest hour of your marriage, will you fight to restore what is broken or lost?

Are you strong enough to FIGHT for your family?

Are you Strong enough to Love?

I have a dear friend who is extremely healthy, and physically fit; he is a former pro baseball player. Fitness and physical beauty were tops on his list when it came to seeking his mate. When he met his future wife she was a passionate, intelligent and stunning fitness model. When they exchanged solemn vows; he had no idea that after nine years of marriage he would endure watching his beautiful wife lose her hair, her physique and eventually her life to cancer. As he loved her through her battle with cancer, he said; “her inner strength and faith made her even more beautiful in my eyes.” Author John Eldredge states; “A real man does not go to a woman to get his strength; he goes to her to offer it.” My friend offered his loving strength to his wife when she needed it the most. He loved and cherished her till death do us part. Are you strong enough to love her if her beauty or health fails?  A wise man knows that after the wedding bells stop ringing the character tests begin.

Are you strong enough to be her man?

I am with you on this journey towards personal  growth, new life, wisdom and healthier relationships.

If you are in the Los Angeles area, join us for Worthy West Coast Women’s Conference.

It is an honor to be with you on the journey, Contact Us to join our community. It’s free.

Ready to develop a Life Plan based on your authentic desires? CLICK here to find out about hiring Shannon as your personal growth coach.

Much Love,
Shannon

When a woman is not fully at peace within, she can wreak havoc on her relationships, for years, I did just that. After studying the male/female dynamic for the past decade, I know that security is the greatest need for a woman; respect is the biggest need for a man.  In our modern world, gender talks can be considered oppressive or archaic, but my intention is to understand men and honor women– to identify our differences so we can have more peaceful relationships.

The FIVE Ways Women Disrespect Men

1.       Correcting our men in Public

Not too long ago, I was at the Passport office in Houston. An older couple walked in to handle an issue with their passports. As the gentleman spoke with the clerk, his wife constantly interrupted and corrected him. The husband pleaded with her repeatedly; “please let me handle this.” She finally took her seat. She huffed and puffed, tapping her feet nervously, eavesdropping on the conversation her husband was having with the clerk; she expected him to blow it. Hmm… I KNOW the feeling. I have been that woman, maybe not to that extreme, but I have certainly thought my husband NEEDED my help. When we correct and criticize our men in public, they suffer a loss of dignity. Save those talks for private time. The best way to help your man is to let him figure it out for himself; you will have a stronger man. You will possess more freedom as a woman, by staying in your own lane.

2.       Interrupting

A woman is powerful; she can set the very course of a man’s life in motion, simply by listening to, and affirming his heart. When a man expresses his opinion or thoughts, turn off your “agree or disagree filter.” Instead, listen to gain understanding. The next time you are tempted to interrupt your man while he is talking, listen for an 8-count beat longer, I promise, if you wait a few moments more, he will share more than you expected.  When we listen with “new ears” we will gain the connection and understanding of our men that we so deeply desire.

3.       Mothering

It’s OK to mother a child, not a grown man. A man will feel completely repelled (sexually) by a woman who becomes his mother. Exchange the mother hat for the lover hat. Love gives people room and space to grow. Love allows people the grace and patience to fail and recover; mothering can become domineering, controlling and most certainly “soul-killing” to a grown man. When we take off the mother hat, and put on the lover hat, we feel more vibrant, alive and sexy as women. As lovers we are more connected to the power of our femininity; we enhance and GIVE life to our men instead of stifling it.

4.       Manipulation

Anyone who is controlling or manipulative is operating from fear. My own heart underwent years of healing and transformation, but they all pointed to one culprit, fear. I was afraid my needs would not be met, so I manipulated to get my way. As I mature as a woman, I understand my power. I use it wisely– to build, not destroy, to set free, not control, to liberate, not manipulate. And although I fall back into old fear-based habits of relating, truth is the anchor that consistently calls me back to love.

5.       Nagging

The book of Proverbs describes the nagging woman as a “leaky faucet.”  Nagging is pure hell for a man’s soul. Think of a dripping faucet; you cannot rest when you hear it; likewise a man cannot rest in the presence of a nagging woman. Imagine if your man whined constantly to you about your weight or how you needed to change your appearance? How would that affect your spirit? A good man is compelled to make his woman happy, let him. A good man is driven to be productive—it’s their design, trust the process, not your words. Say it once and let it go. Say it once and write a reminder, but anything after that is nagging.

Final thoughts

When we respect our men, we get their best. We feel better. You cannot bless another person without feeling more blessed. You cannot hurt another person without feeling hurt. The miracle of life, is that we get back what we give. Let’s show our men greater respect; because respecting them, is respecting ourselves.

I am with you on this journey towards personal  growth, new life, wisdom and healthier relationships.

If you are in the Los Angeles area, join us for Worthy West Coast Women’s Conference.

It is an honor to be with you on the journey, Contact Us to join our community. It’s free.

Ready to develop a Life Plan based on your authentic desires? CLICK here to find out about hiring Shannon as your personal growth coach.

Much Love,
Shannon